Groggily I open my eyes as my stomach lets out a fierce growl. The room is nearly black with a dim green glow coming off the digital clock to my right telling me its 2:30. I hush my rumbling tummy and listen intently, hoping no one has heard me in the silence of the night. Quietly as I can I crawl out of the bed and over to the door. Pressing my ear against it I listen again for any sounds of movement, there are none. I pick up a small plastic bucket from the floor then carefully I open the door praying with all my heart it doesn’t creak. I slip out, tiptoeing down the narrow hallway toward the other end of the house. I reach the kitchen and let out a sigh of relief, no one has heard me yet.
I look around the dark kitchen; there is a little window above the sink letting in the silvery light of the moon. Just below the window sill there is the glint of a glass bottle; I step closer to take a better look already knowing what I would find. Looking down at the mess of bottles cluttered into the sink, I smile for half a second then shudder. This explains what happened tonight, why she was so mad…
I step away from the sink full of empty wine bottles. I am on a mission here, I don’t have time to stop and remember what happened earlier this night, and I don’t have time to remember the tears, the pain; I need to get back to my room quickly before she catches me. I open the freezer door, hoping she doesn’t find me here, I’m afraid to think what would happen if she did. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, stay calm I remind myself, hurry. I stretch up to the ice maker, it’s at the top of the freezer so I have to stand on my tip toes to reach it. Quietly as I can I grab a handful of ice, hating the sound it makes as the cubes nock together, what if she hears me? I gently place the ice into the plastic bucket I brought with me, then reach back for more ice, it takes three more handfuls to fill my little bucket. My eyes search the kitchen for something to eat. There is a box of chocolates on the counter in the corner, I dart over to it and take four, that’s two for each of us, it will be the first thing we have had to eat since school lunches last Friday. Thinking of the last time I ate is making me hungry again and I yearn to be back in the safety of my bedroom where I can eat my treasure in peace. I place the chocolates on top of the ice and look back towards the dark hallway.
Almost there, 15 more steps, now ten, now five. Creak. My breath stops. I can’t move an inch, she is going to catch me, I know it, and then what? I will have hell to pay for this one, not only did I break her rule and leave my room but I am also stealing her food. I listen carefully, I’m so close, only a few more steps until safety. Cautiously I take a step forward, then another. I feel myself breath again, I’m going to make it.
Very carefully I open the door and step inside, I see my baby sister curled up on her bed and this time I really do smile, she looks so peaceful in her sleep. I gently close the door behind me and turn the lock. I take a deep breath, I’ve made it. I put the ice bucket down in the back corner under the desk, she won’t be able to see it there and in the morning when the ice melts we will have something to drink. The chocolates I take over to the dresser. Quietly I grab a chair to stand on then open the top drawer, and rummage to the back until I find what I am looking for. My secret stash, in it I have a half-eaten box of Andies Candies, an almost empty roll of Bubble Tape, some old pictures, and now three chocolates; The fourth chocolate I keep in my hand to eat now. I rehide my stash and shut the drawer.
I sit down on my bed and unwrap my reward for tonight’s prowls. I bite into it, taking the smallest bite I can manage. The chocolate is sweet and makes me smile; I take another bite, a little bit bigger than the first. All too soon it’s gone, I want to go over and take another but I know I can’t, I don’t know when I will get another opportunity to take more food so this has to last us a while. With a sigh I turn to lay down, then wince. That movement to turn around really hurt; I place my hand on my side and close my eyes, trying not to remember how that bruise got there. Ever so carefully I lay down, trying my best not to hurt myself again. I curl up into a ball ready to fall asleep, maybe tomorrow will be better I tell myself, but I know it’s not true. I smirk, maybe tomorrow she won’t stop and she will end up killing me instead. Sigh, no, I don’t want that. If I’m not here who will take care of my baby sister. I need to be strong I need to protect her, one day this will all get better, one day I will be big, one day I will be as big as this whole house and she won’t be able to hurt me anymore, she won’t be able to hurt us. I just have to wait until that day, until the day I am big enough to stop her, until then I just have to keep going, I have to be brave. Every day, hour by hour, minute by minute, every second I get older and bigger and taller and stronger, and one day this WILL all be ok. One day…
Child abuse is real, and its everywhere, both mental and physical. Children are terrified; they are taking on things far beyond their years and there is nothing they can do about it, but you can help. Stop child abuse.
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